When HanGeng leave : HanChul True Story

*Summer 2009*

 

“Heechul-ah.. I- I wanna go home..” Said HanGeng in a gentle whispered. Heechul, who was drinking Eunhyuk’s stawberry milk suddenly choked when he heard that.

 

“Ochogh- Ochogh- Mwo??!” He asked him back. His eyebrows gone under his messy hair when their up.

 

“I wanna go home..” Now he really whispered. There is a deep sadness hiding inside his whispered.

 

“Wh- Whaeyo??” Heechul who usually use an informal language with him suddenly felt a treat when he saw HanGeng’s face. Make him want to hold HanGeng instead.

 

“I- I miss my mom.. My Dad.. My Family.. And-“ Then HanGeng cry. Heechul who knew how fragile his lovely boy was, hold him tight right away.

 

“It’s okay.. Ssshhh.. I know you do.. But please.. Please stay one more year.. Just one year.. “ Heechul convince him. He knew suffer HanGeng was. He already knew right after they signed a new contract.

The contract was wonderful and they will definitely richer than before. But the sacrifice they have made was also beyond believe. They have to work 24/ 7 in any schedule. TV Show, Radio, CF, Drama, anything. In short, for HanGeng, who are not from Korea, have to sacrifice his lovely Family to work. He only allowed to go home IF, Super Junior have schedule in China. Heechul heard him when he called his mother after they’re all sigh the contract that day. That’s why he knew. Heechul counted every single option that HanGeng has after. He found out that Super Junior members, including him and HanGeng only need one year to get the freedom. The freedom to go out at night or to go home whenever they have a spare time. Super Junior will finish their debt to the company in a year and so the members can do anything they wants to do in their free time, outside the SM’s dying schedules.

 

No more talk that night. Heechul stayed at HanGeng’s bed room until he fell asleep. He didn’t talk. He just lay in bed holding on his favorite pillow. Heechul knew he don’t wanna talk about it anymore, so he just stay and caress him. Heechul hold him one time or two, then kiss his neck when HanGeng fall asleep. Carefully walk out of bed and sneak out. Heechul close HanGeng’s bed room door slowly. Then he sighed.

“Hhh.. Why did I feel like I’m gonna loose you??” He murmured.

 

 

*Fall 2009*

 

“MWO??!!!!!! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???” Heechul scream to someone on the phone, when they were practice for their next performance in Music Fall Event.

“ANDWAE!!!! NO!!!! YOU CAN’T LEAVE!!! YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME!!! YOU- YOU PROMISE!!!!!” Heechul scream again. Leeteuk, Kyu, Donghae, Siwon, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Ryeowook, Yesung and Shindong who are at the same room with Heechul, suddenly gaze at him. Wondering who was he were talking to.

“NO!!!! NO!!!! I WORNING YOU, DON’T DO THAT!!! YEOBOSEYO??!! YEOBOSEYO??! HANKYUNG!!! HANKYUNG!!!! YA’!!!!!!” Heechul throw his phone to the wall and makes it broke right away. His chest were up and down like he try to gain so much air to breath, but he almost forget how to breathe. His hands were shaking and his eyes turn red. Tears are falling down from his beautiful big eyes. Leeteuk felt a danger coming out. Heechul is about to explode.

 

“Hee- Heenim.. G-gwenchannha??” Heechul remain froze. He dazingly cry and still hard to breath. When Leeteuk touch his shoulder he shockingly looked at him.

 

“DON’T TOUCH ME!!! IT’S YOUR FAULT!!!! YOU ARE FAILIURE LEADER!!!!” Heechul scream at Leeteuk. Leeteuk shocks. His widen eyes froze at miserable Heechul. Leeteuk’s was shaking. But Heechul didn’t care. He throw anything in front of him and walk away. Near the door he grabbed his pink bag and stop. He glanced back at his fellow members. He only said a short thing in a deep sorrow whispered. But everyone in the room who are still shock, were able to hear him.

 

“I’m out of here. Find a new member. I’m out of Super Junior.” And then Kim Heechul left all his members in a blank situation that would probably end their group that day.

 

 

*3 weeks later*

 

“Yeoboseyo?” Heechul picked up the phone call. He was so lazy to picked it up. He knew who’s calling him. He call him this whole past couple of weeks.

 

“Heechul-ah.. Why don’t you pick up my calls?” Said someone with a cute messy Korean.

 

“It supposed to be didn’t, not don’t. I’m not talking to you.” Heechul coldly answer him. He’s about to hang up.

 

“Don’t hang up on me. Please..” HanGeng begging. “Please..I beg you..” HanGeng cry.

 

“Where were you when I’m begging? I begged you, but you still leave.” His cold voice makes HanGeng believe that Heechul still cannot understand.

 

“You don’t understand.. It was completely different.. I was- I was suffered.” HanGeng confess.

 

“BUT YOU HAD ME!!” Heechul’s tempered up. Now he’s really angry.

 

“Hee… Please.. Its about me and my family.. Not me and you.. “

 

“IT’S ALL ABOUT ME IF IT’S ABOUT YOU!! NOW PLEASE DON’T EVER CALL BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO COMEBACK!!”

 

“I’m not coming back Hee.. At least not now.. But you.. You have to comeback.. If you really love me and you really care and all what we have were REAL, you’ll comeback to Super Junior.. Saranghae Hee..” Then HanGeng hang up the phone call. Heechul still hold the phone in his left ear. His eyes widen and red. He’s mad and desperate.

 

“What we have was REAL.. Always REAL..” Heechul whispered to the silent phone in his hand. He cries.

 

He hold onto the weird white circle pillow. It was from HanGeng. Heechul suddenly have flashback memory since the first time he met HanGeng until their last conversation. Heechul can remember them so well like it was yesterday. He remembered when HanGeng gave him that circle white pillow. HanGeng said that the pillow reminds him of Heechul. He can’t describe what he feels, what he wants and what he thinks about Heechul. All he knew was Heechul is like a white angel who disguised in a bad boy named Kim Heechul. Who can makes him feel so many feelings, makes him rained with so many love, makes him think so many thoughts, makes him blank. He cant put it in words if someone asked ‘What Heechul means to you?’. HanGeng will always have the same answer, Everything..

 

 

“This fine hotel room can’t take my minds off you.. Why you must leave?? Why??” Heechul crying, asked the beautiful crystal lamp above his king size bed. Heechul get up and open the curtain. He saw the city of Seoul so beautiful at night. He sure so many happy people walking around down there. Everyone are happy because winter is coming. Christmas is coming soon. Everyone must be very excited. Everybody happy. Except him. This winter will be the coldest winter that he’ll ever feel…Without HanGeng..

 

Heechul cannot sleep that night. He ended up wandering around his hotel room, drink soju, laughing and crying like crazy.

 

The day after HanGeng called, his manager call him. He picked it up because he thinks they will judge and blame HanGeng about his disappearances.

 

“Yeoboseyo?” Heechul greet.

 

“Heechul-ah!! Ya’!! Where are you??? Where have you been???!!!” Kibum, Super Junior manager scream in his ear.

 

“In a place where I can feel no more pain.”

 

“Heechul… Everyone is worried.. Ryeowook cried almost everyday because of you. Don’t you know??”

 

“Does he cried when HanGeng leave??!!” Heechul start a war he wants. He needed someone to yell at.

 

“He did. They’re all did. I did. We all cry and we suffered more because you leave.. please don’t do that..”

 

“If you all want me back, I have a few conditions. Give this to SM. And if they are all agreed, let me stay here until I’m ready and I’ll be back.” Heechul cold voice makes Kibum realize that this is what he wants. And he is very serious about it.

 

“What is it??” Kibum promise him self, whatever it is, he’ll fight to get them for Heechul. As long as Kim Heechul back to Super Junior, he will never gave up.

 

“I’ll email you right away. Let me know tonight.” Then Heechul hang up the phone just like that. He doesn’t mean to be impolite. He just can’t stand, and he don’t want Kibum to hear him cry.

 

 

Heechul open his mac and start to write what he wants to SM.

 

This is what I want and this is what you will fulfill.

 

1. I, Kim Heechul, will never ever separate Hankyung from Super Junior. So no one, NO ONE will forbid me to talk about him anywhere.

2. I, Kim Heechul, will keep Hankyung phone number, email and no one, NO ONE CAN FORBID me to call him or keep in touch with him.

3. I, Kim Heechul, will never let any member or the company FORBID Hankyung, IF he wants to comeback to Super Junior. Super Junior will always be his group, his family.

4. I, Kim Heechul, will meet Hankyung somewhere, someday, and no one, NO ONE will Forbid me. In short, NO FORBIDDEN SHIT Toward Super Junior HANGKYUNG.

5. I, Kim Heechul, will comeback if I’m ready. So no one will hired any detective to find me. I will be back after you all agreed with this condition and after I’m ready.

 

IF this condition got the final agreement, I will be back to Super Junior and I will work hard so no one, NO ONE can take anyone away from me again.

 

A phone call ring 10 minutes after he send an email to his manager.

 

“So you got my email?” Heechul asked coldly.

 

“Yes.. Heechul-ah.. I don’t know.. I mean, SM will see Hankyung as- as a betrayal from now on..” Kibum voice sounds so trembling, Heechul knew he scared.

 

“Exactly. That’s why. I don’t wanna end up like Dongbang Shinki. SM even didn’t allow Changmin and Yunho to contact Junsu, Jaejoong or Yoochun. And so is Junsu, Jaejoong and Yoochun. I don’t want to loose Hankyung from my personal life IF I have to loose him from the group.” Heechul still with his calm cold voice. He know what he wants and he will get them.

 

“Okay.. Okay.. I’ll go to Seoul now and gave them this.” Kibum wasn’t so sure but he promised that he will keep Heechul in the group no matter what. This is what he promised to himself and…HanGeng.

HanGeng called him when he was waiting for his plane to china, the day he left.

 

“Hyung.. I’m leaving.. And I’m so sorry for the mistake I’ve made. But please promise me one thing. Get Heechul back. Get Heechul back no matter how hard it is, no matter what it takes. This will be the hardest road for me and him to through, so please.. Please don’t ever let him leave.. Promise me hyung..”

 

He remembered every single word he said and he promised him. HanGeng even knew this would happen with Heechul so Kibum is already prepared himself.

 

 

*Winter 2010*

 

Heechul was playing an online game that night. He can’t sleep again. Being in the same hotel room for 3 months never change the fact that he really wants to change. He often got insomnia and he usually ended up crying until he’d fall asleep. That night was different. He received a call from HanGeng to ask him one more time to comeback. Begging him. Heechul told him that he can’t even stay at the dorm where too many memory about him surrounded. HanGeng feel guilty and he says sorry over and over again. He knew Heechul will feel emotionally sad and upset when he’s back to the dorm, especially to his room where they oftenly spent time together. Just like HanGeng cannot see any sign of Super Junior anywhere, even if it’s just a sapphire blue balloon, because he will cry.

 

At 3 AM, Heechul still try to block his enemy in the game to hold them from getting his princess, when he received a message. He pause the game and gets his phone. It was a message from EunHyuk.

 

“Hyung.. I miss you.. You probably not that good in singing and not a good dancer either.. But we need you. We really need you.. I need you.. Please don’t forget that you still have me and all the member who will love you and care for you for the rest of our life.. Saranghanda Heenim..♥”

 

Heechul shock after he read EunHyuk’s message. He wasn’t that close to Hyuk. And he was the one who makes him realize that He is still have Hyuk, Leeteuk and all the members. That night, Heechul decided to get out of his sadness and frustrations. He will work hard so he won’t ever loose anyone else again. Ever.

 

 

*Someday at 2011*

 

“I cant stand.. I miss you so much..” Said Heechul.

 

“I miss you to Hee.. More than you can imagine.. How was your winter??” Asked HanGeng across the phone.

 

“Sucks!”

 

“Hee…. Don’t say that please..?”

 

“Your fault though..”

 

“………” HanGeng silent for a while. He know Heechul will start a war if he continued. “How was the preparation for the 4^th album?” He ask to distract Heechul’s focus.

 

“Fine..” Heechul shortly answer.

 

“You’re not happy? I thought you really wait for this new album?”

 

“Not without you..” Another short cold answer.

 

“You must be really hate me.. don’t you?” HanGeng finally asked the question that he have been waiting to ask for. He started to cry even Heechul haven’t answer.

 

“Not as much as I love you..” Heechul answered after 3 minutes wait. He does Hates HanGeng. But he feel sad and sorry for him at the same time. Not to mention that he really love that guy. More than he can imagine. HanGeng broke his heart by leaving. And he hates HanGeng for that. But Hee knew what HanGeng have been through all this time. He suffered and there’s no other choice for him to pick. Heechul knew, and he regrets that he promised HanGeng to keep it secret. He should’ve told someone. Told Leeteuk or anyone. Now its too late..

 

“Thank you.. I love you more..” Heechul reminds silent. HanGeng knew he was crying. “Good Luck with the new album.. I’m sure it will be huge success. I swear to God it will..”

 

“You believe in God now?”

 

“Not really.. But I believe in you..“ HanGeng heard a little choked sound from Heechul. HanGeng knew he makes Heechul smile. “Whats the new album title?”

 

“You mean ‘what’s the title of the new album?’ gosh.. your Korean still sucks!” HanGeng laugh when Heechul say that. “It’s called Bonamana.”

 

“Bonamana? Wahhh.. I knew it will huge success. I can tell by the title.”

 

“Thank you.. And amen to that..” Heechul feel more heal than before. It was hurt at first when he talked to HanGeng. He feel really hurt inside. He knew HanGeng feel the same way to.

“How about you? I know you also working on a new album..” Asked Heechul.

 

“Yes.. But I’m still confuse about the songs I have to pick.. I wish you were here..” He answered.

 

“If I were there, you’ll gonna be more confuse. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND CHINESSE You Babo!” HanGeng sounded a simple laugh to Heechul’s ear. Heechul smile silently.

 

“Heechul-ah..”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Promise me something please?”

 

“What is that?”

 

“Promise me a kiss. You have to kiss me if you meet me..somewhere..” HanGeng really serious about it. It was clearly describe from the way he asked. Heechul shocked for a moment. “Heechul??”

 

“Ah- Ah yeah.. yeah.. Okay.. I- I promise. I will kiss you even if I meet you on a show that accidentally invited us in the same episode.” HanGeng laugh. He doesn’t mind..

 

“Thank you.. And you have to keep that promise..”

 

“I will..”

 

“Saranghae Hee..”

 

“Wo Ai Ni Hankyung..” HanGeng raise a big smile in his lips before he hang up the phone call.

 

Heechul somehow feel relief.. HanGeng lies about his feelings of course, just like he did. They both has to hold deep sorrow and through painful days after the separation. They lies to each other that they’re doing fine just to make each other can breathe another air and continue their life happily. They both knows that their life has changed. But no one can change the truth inside their heart for each other. A simple truth called : L♥VE.

 

 

♥Fin♥

 

 

 

Author says :

“Dedicated to HanChul , Super Junior HanGeng and Heechul, and of course for all #HanChul lovers & defenders. This is not really a Fanfic. This might can describe what happen to them during the hardest time when HanGeng decided to go to his own path alone. There are facts included inside the story. I just add a few moments.

 

As for the condition that Heechul ask, it was true (I only knew the first 3 condition are true, I don’t know the rest. We, hanCul defender believed that there are others.) . In fact, Heechul have proved that those are true. He can talk about HanGeng anytime he wants, anywhere, whenever he’s ready. He told many times in a show that him and all the members still keep in touch with HanGeng. As you all know, this kind of thing doesn’t happen to DBSK and JYJ, even they share the same company and handle the same one problem, that is Loosing a member. Heechul knew about the forbidden contacts between Junsu, Jaejoong, Yoochun and Yunho-Changmin. They even can’t have each other phone number.

 

Since rumor has spread about Super Junior members and HanGeng never contacts each other and all the blame gave to HanGeng, I’m here to tell you a few truths. You don’t have to believe me, coz I don’t want you to. I just want you to help me stop the hates between Gengfans and ELF. HanGeng will always be part of Super Junior. Either SMentertainment or HATERS, cannot take that away from us, SUPER JUNIOR’s ELF, EVERLASTING FRIENDS.”

 

PS : The white circle pillow is the future Jjinbbang. We, HanChul defender believed that Jjinbbang is HanGeng in Heechul’s idea of making the circle pillow, a real HanGeng. ^♥^